Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Note to Self

Across the road, as we drive up Route 1 from Rockland to Blue Hill, Maine, a sign in the middle of a green field in front of a riding stable reads:

Freedom Riders




I’m so old that I was a freedom rider. Well, nearly: I went South one summer as a civil rights worker. Something about the sign annoys me a little. People risked life and limb for a cause that had nothing to do with some snooty riding club.
We continue toward our destination.
Hours later, returning, now driving on the same side of the road as the sign, I can read the subtitle:



Freedom Riders
Instruction for Special Equestrians



I smile.

I do not stop to photograph the sign, as I did one we saw the previous day:

Sunday, April 26, 2009

what is that, anyway?


Perhaps it is a chrysallis, and something is about to be born.
Perhaps it is cellophane wrapping tossed in the trash or the gutter.
Perhaps it is a telescope's view of a newly-discovered astronomical formation.
Perhaps it is an abstract painting created by a chimpanzee, digitally.

Colorless in death
the blossom lies silently
in shallow water
waiting to decompose, or
for its portrait to be shot?

what's lost along the way

One of my secret addictions is the past.
It began, I think, when I started writing a novel in the form of a woman’s journal for the year 1914. As part of my research I started visiting the Oakland Library and reading each day’s Oakland Enquirer for that year. (One of my favorite scenes involved nearby Lake Merritt. It’s name, by the way, was not Lake Merritt; but Mayor Merritt had caused it to be created and Mayor Merritt owned a large percentage of the adjoining land that was thereby rendered much more valuable, and citizens therefore started calling it "Merritt’s Lake" as a term of derision, but no one today even recalls its real name. At any rate, on a day in January 1914 two brothers in an airplane flew over the lake, low, and one shot birds and then the other tried to scoop them up with a net of some sort – while many of Oakland’s citizens sat and watched, some of them from their "machines" (automobiles).
As the addiction deepened, I spent days in the Library of Congress, reading magazines and books from that era, and spent dollars on-line buying old novels everyone was reading a hundred years ago and no one remembers now. I finished the novel, though I never sent it out for publication, but I did not finish wondering about the past.
I love tidbits that tell me how different the world was then. For example, in some New England businessman’s autobiography I read that when he lived for a while in Washington his friend Calvin Coolidge, who had become president after the death of Warren G. Harding, would often appear at his house for breakfast, having taken a brisk walk alone through the streets of D.C. from the White House. Can we imagine Bush or Clinton, or even Obama, trying that? Too, in a biography of the fellow who ran both Cadillac and Lincoln, sequentially, I learned that as a young man he’d been frustrated by the prejudice of European craftsmen who believed Americans universally incapable of fine mechanical work – which sounds like something Americans later said about other ethnic groups.
I love tidbits that tell me how little has changed, too. I read a newspaper column one morning that included the complaint that "Baseball now is just a business – nothing like the pure and innocent game it was in the ‘60's." That's not an unusual sentiment these days; but it was written not this year or last but in 1914, and the writer was referring to the 1860's!
I love strange juxtapositions: for example, Gandhi and Will Rogers meeting in a country where each was a visitor, before Gandhi was at all famous; and one I learned more recently, the identity of the first American citizen to hear of the death of Stalin in 1953. He was a U.S. soldier on temporary loan to the Soviet Army, so that he heard the news before it was public internationally. His name was Johnny Cash. A third juxtaposition: Patton and MacArthur, during World War I, were pinned down by enemy fire, but a young lieutenant saved them by going against orders and firing artillery at their attackers, who were outside the area into which his orders allowed him to fire. The young lieutenant, more famous for another situation involving MacArthur, was a fellow from Missouri named Harry S. Truman. (His commanding officer gave him a tongue-lashing for going against orders.) One could even say that if Truman had not been insubordinate in 1917 or 1918, he might not have to deal with an insubordinate general more than thirty years later.
I love knowing odd things. I haven’t looked in any of the new biographies, but I would guess none mention an interesting fact that perhaps none of the writers know: that Abraham Lincoln did most of the writing of the Emancipation Proclamation in a young soldier’s little office somewhere on the White House grounds. He borrowed the office to get away from the press of other business, and as he worked on the writing he often sat staring thoughtfully at the spiders building webs at the windows. I know this only because at some point I happened to read a magazine piece the young soldier, by then older, published perhaps thirty years after the event. It’s not the kind of important fact anyone cares about; but it’s small, personal, quirky, human.
Or consider the bad roads in 1914. They were terrible. To prove it, the U.S. Army, which cared because poor transportation could be a security risk, send a group of young soldiers to cross the country by automobile, a miserable adventure at the time. No one understood about roads better than those young soldiers. Thus you’d imagine that if one of them, decades later, became President, he might create something like the Interstate Highway System. I guess his name would be Dwight D. Eisenhower.
In my heart I honor obscure men such as the D.C. Police Chief Pelham Glassford, who, when reporters inquired shortly after his appointment whether or not he had any relevant experience, replied with a smile that he did: he had been arrested once for driving his motorcycle too fast. His conduct during the Bonus Army episode in 1932 –generally forgotten until a recent history book discussed it – was humane and sensible.
I honor too that fellow who ran Cadillac and later Lincoln. Early in the history of automobiles, most of us know, they were started by cranks. Turning these cranks required a certain strength, and the crank could bounce back and strike person operating it, like the kick of a horse. Women did not usually start cars; and one who did was accidentally killed by the crank. This gentleman – whose name will come back to me in a moment – called in his people and ordered them to make it the company’s highest priority to develop some safer method to start cars. When they managed it, rather than taking the competitive advantage that exclusive possession of such a safety device could have provided, he shared the technology with the other automakers.
Not much of this matters. Now. But I like knowing it. I like wandering among the books and newspapers and popular magazines of the past, as through a strange wood, picking a flower or picking up an odd rock now and then, or photographing an unusual frog.

Friday, April 24, 2009

cat tanka

I just glanced over three tanka I'd written in the last couple of days and noticed that each had something to do with cats. (For those who don't happen to know, the tanka is a five-line Japanese poetic form from which the haiku [the first three lines] was derived. The 31 syllables in a tanka are divided 5-7-5-7-7.)

hummingbird hovers
just above somnolent cats
too warm to notice.
What images are dancing
just beyond my heat-slowed brain?



summer nights the cat
sits by the window, ears cocked,
waiting for the ghosts
who stroll on the balcony
scentless, nameless, and unseen.



too skinny herself,
the little mother protects
her kittens, growling
when we pass. Two meals a day
will not buy her off, she says.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

early evening

She comes home and we share kisses and poems and conversation. The indoor cats sprawl in comically improbable postures on the couch. When we go into the garden, Tg, who became an outdoor cat while I was in PerĂº, sits so regally on his chair that I must pause to pet him. El rey de los gatos. Downstairs, the roses are already so plentiful that I cut a blossom, just past its prime, and go back upstairs to give it to Tg, less for his amusement than for hers when she follows me down into the garden in a moment.
We are often in the garden for awhile in the early evening. We bring down some juice to the table, but instead of sitting we mostly weed this or trim that or rake the other, or pick lemons or loquats. This is our oasis in the concrete urban desert. It is very green. I used to sit here alone, writing a poem or photographing a flower or just chatting with the hummingbirds, rather wishing I might someday have someone to share it with. Now we share it, and everything, with the kind of honest and relaxed delight I’d always imagined lovers could share.
We glance into the crawlspace where the scrawny young black cat, already a mother, has hidden her kittens. Two are calico, three are all black. Initially she hid them in the little utility room under the house; but sometimes when she wasn’t there we went in and held them for awhile, hoping that if they learned to tolerate human companionship we could some day find them a better life than hers. They liked that just fine. She did not, and the other evening they were gone. Fortunately Tg and his mother, Sygga, to whom she is cousin or niece, did her the great favor of standing guard while she was in the new hiding place nursing the kittens. Their intense attention to a small and otherwise uninteresting hole in the fence suggested, even to our sluggish human brains, that the kittens might be in there.
We feed her, as I fed Sygga’s mother, who was also wild. Like Sygga’s mother, she scarfs down the food but loathes us. One might laugh at the failure of her pea-sized brain ever to deduce, from the fact that we bring her cat food and water, that perhaps we do not mean her any harm; or one might respect her instinct, particularly if one contemplated the fact that in time, given an opportunity, not only will we indeed take her kittens away from her (to give them a cushier lot in life, and likely a longer life), but we will also be "socially responsible" enough to deprive her of the ability to make more kittens.
That is the right thing to do. I cannot tell if Sygga has ever forgiven me for doing it. She seems quite content; but when I consider that her main purpose on this planet is to make more cats with her genes in them, and that I’ve taken that away from her, I tend to suspect that if she’d had a vote she’d have voted "Nay."
The garden is just about the way a garden should be in late April. Tulips and iris and columbine in bloom, foxglove and cerinthe thinking about it, lobelia and linaria reappearing to greet me like old friends, and lilies and dahlias almost leaping skyward. Tomato plants rapidly pushing from infancy to youth, reminding of all the people to whom I used to take fresh tomatoes in their offices at the law firm. As do many things, fresh tomatoes inspire quite varied responses, from a polite facial expression that might fairly be translated as "What the fuck is that for?" to delight verging on rapture.
We work, sometimes together, sometimes apart. If we work apart we stop when we pass each other and have a quick hug or kiss. We sit for awhile. We interrupt our sitting to get the ladder. She has befriended a strange young person in the front yard. The strange young person, as does the Asian grandmother next door, fancies the strange, misshapen lemons, the ones that look as if the tree had grown in Dracula’s garden, with long, tapered yellow fangs in place of the traditional soft shape of a lemon. The strange young person likes to photograph them, I think – as I have done on occasion myself. The grandmother, I presume, likes to eat them. (Why she prefers the ones that would cause many of us to turn away in fear or disgust is a mystery that awaits a future life in which we share enough of some language to discuss the matter.)
Back in the garden, we sit a bit, and talk. Today we wrote poems and e-mailed them to each other intermittently, playing off each others’ images. Death took her mother recently. The other Sunday we went sailing with a friend whose cancer had taken his ability to sail the boat by himself but had in no way diminished his love of sailing.
The new kittens are huddled together in a safe place. Tg and his mother are pouncing on things we can’t see, probably insects, perhaps ghosts. The strange youth has another strange lemon to photograph. The hummingbirds are grateful for the refilled feeder.
Perhaps this is life.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

what someone should tell the mormons

it strikes me that there is a point of law the gay people in california should explain to the mormon church.
of course, i voted against proposition 8. i don't much care what consenting adults do with their sex organs, as long as they allow me the same freedom. and i don't understand why heterosexuals who are married feel that gay marriage would somehow undermine some aspect of their own marriages. but aside from that, i think someone should explain to the mormons that gay marriage is in their own interest.
no one argues that the folks who wrote the california constitution had in mind to legalize gay marriage; but the constitution has been interpreted to protect a certain zone of privacy, in which such matters as procreation, contraception, sex between consenting adults, and marriage are protected from state interference without some compelling reason. gays argue, and the california supreme court has agreed, that this protected zone covers their activities, even though those were never contemplated by the writers of the constitution.
logically, since we are dealing with matters the makers of the constitution did not necessarily contemplate, why should this "zone of privacy," if it applies not only to the traditional man and woman but to man and man, not equally apply to other reasonable choices, such as a threesome? other than for the sake of religion, which is separated from government, or from tradition, which has been overcome in the decision on gays, why should marriage be limited to two persons, rather than three?
this is the point the mormons miss. having believed passionately in polygamy, and even killed over the issue, and having changed their views only at the point of a gun, under threat of violence and imprisonment, why should the mormons not fund the gay-marriage forces liberally, then ask the government to take one more small but logical step, and permit polygamy?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Question

you can’t step into
the same river twice, so why
tell me you love me?
each day brings so much that's new,
how can we remain the same?

[or:]
You can’t step into
the same river twice, so why
tell me you love me?
if you tell me we’ve not changed,
then you must suppose we’re dead!

[or just:]
Why say you love me?
you can’t step into the same
river twice, can you?